Well, it’s been a good week for old farts in cars. On Monday I followed an old fellow who breezed along at about 25mph - on the wrong side of the road!

He did this for a mile or so before swerving back to the right side when someone came the other way then proceeded to drift back onto the wrong side.

As I’ve said before, it’s time we got these old fuckers off the road before more innocents die. It’s too easy to blame boy-racers for all the woes on the road but I see more reports of accidents involving old people than young people. Young guys tend to go off the road and kill themselves but these old buggers merrily smash into people at junctions etc.

Today I went to get petrol (OK gas for you Yanks!) and there was two old dudes filling up cans with fuel as they’d both run out not far from the station! As Harry Hill would say, “What are the chances of that happening then?”

When I went to pay, one of them had at least three attempts to remember his PIN. Fuck’s sake if you can’t remember a four-digit number should you be driving a car?

Now the morons at the Scottish Parliament want to ban smoking in private cars - on safety grounds.

Why don’t they just ban tobacco and be done with it?

Because they all know that they make a fortune from the ridiculous taxes they levy on tobacco and they also know that there would be open revolt if they tried it.

I didn’t vote for ignorant fucking politicians to persuade me to give up smoking - I DON’T WANT TO GIVE UP, I LIKE SMOKING.

All I can hope for is that the Scottish people wake up and get rid of Jack McConnell and his band of total twats at the next election. This man is a complete embarrassment to Scotland, everything he touches turns to shite.

So hands off - I’ll smoke in my car if I want to - it’s simply NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

And if they’re so concerned about safety then the next logical thing to do is introduce a complete ban on children in cars.

I see more near misses caused by parents screaming at their brats in the car than any other single factor apart from Pensioners (who’re just dangerous anyway)

On the subject of pensioners, I’m not too far off getting mine!

Having said that I do believe that there comes a time when we have to say to the old gits that it’s time to put on the slippers and let someone else do the driving…

70 seems like a reasonable age, after all we deem those under 17 as unfit to drive cars so why not have an upper limit as well?

Day after day I see poor old souls meandering about on our very busy roads and our press is full of tragic stories of accidents caused by our senior citizens.

It seems to me that those who aren’t on about 20 medications are suffering from some sort of dementia!

Traffic is very different today than it was even 10 years ago and you’ve got to be on high alert anytime you go out in a vehicle. The days of the leisurely “run” are well and truely over!

Yesterday I drove from Stirling up to Aberdeenshire through the Easter traffic which seems to consist of caravans, Corsas with 10 bikes hanging precariously on the back and fucking pensioners struggling to stay awake…

On four occasions I had to take avoiding action to stay alive and all four were fucking pensioners weaving about in the heavy traffic. One even tried to overtake a truck when I was parallel with them in the outside lane!

So it’s time to take the licences off anyone over 70 - they’re a complete fucking menace (along with women of course!)