Halifax Building Society is very pleased to announce that they are installing new “Drive Thru” Cash Dispensers.

To enable customers to gain maximum benefit from this new facility they have conducted intensive behavioural studies to come up with the appropriate procedures for their use.

AS FOLLOWS:

Procedures for MALE customers

• Drive up to the cash machine
• Wind down your car window
• Insert your card into machine and enter PIN
• Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
• Retrieve card, cash, and receipt
• Wind up window
• Drive off

Procedures for FEMALE customers

• Drive up to the cash machine
• Reverse the required distance to align car window with cash machine
• Re-start the stalled engine
• Wind down the window
• Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to find card
• Turn the radio down
• Attempt to insert card into machine
• Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive distance from the car
• Insert card
• Re-insert card the right way up
• Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN number written on the inside back page
• Enter PIN
• Press “cancel”, and re-enter correct PIN
• Enter amount of cash required
• Check make-up in rear view mirror
• Retrieve cash and receipt
• Empty handbag again, to locate purse and place cash inside
• Place receipt in back of chequebook
• Re-check make-up
• Drive forward 2 metres
• Reverse back to cash machine
• Retrieve card
• Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into slot provided
• Restart stalled engine and pull off
• Drive for 2 to 3 miles
• Release handbrake.

Seems I’ve been ranting about smoking rather a lot and haven’t even mentioned my usual bone of contention…

…Fucking stupid people driving cars!

I don’t know why but the drivers around Aberdeen must be the worst in the world! Every type of stupid, selfish and dangerous behaviour is to be found in this part of the world. And yes, WOMEN ARE THE WORST DRIVERS OF ALL!!

They say that women have less accidents than men but that’s just because they CAUSE the accidents and aren’t always involved themselves.

Some of the stuff I’ve seen over the last few days:

• Indicating right and then turning left
• Approaching round-a-bouts and then changing lanes on the round-a-bout
• Driving far too slowly causing others to make risky overtaking…speed up you silly cows
• Driving far too fast and losing control…just because you’ve got a Merc doesn’t mean you HAVE to drive at 90mph while you put your make-up on
• Tail-gating

Anyway, women are without doubt crap drivers whatever the official ‘statistics’ say. I’d be very interested to know what the accident rate PER DRIVER MILE is for women, I think we’d see a different picture.